Eminem’s R99 rent-a-crowd

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Photo credit: Eminem’s Facebook page

Eminem can’t even sell a Cape Town concert ticket without causing some controversy. To be fair, the R99 (‘worth’ R500) tickets followed by the ‘two-for-one’ special is solely on the promoter not the Detroit rapper. We took advantage of the offer and sat back as the last minute-inflated Gumtree sellers ran a loss of epic proportions.

We took our time getting to the stadium sadly missing South Africa’s own white rapper Jack Parow (but I heard we didn’t miss much), who was the first opening act. The stadium was oddly empty, especially the golden circle and general standing areas that usually have fans camping out early to get a good spot.

The second opening act, a humongous ginger man by the name of Action Bronson in a Springbok jersey was an import all the way from Queens, New York. With his long, unkempt beard, he looked like he would be perfectly comfortable drinking Castle while burning the tjops at a braai. I couldn’t make out half the shit he was saying but there was one standout phrase that became our mantra for the evening. He had a bit where he rapped over classic songs. In response to the Phil Collins lyric “She calls out to the man on the street/ ‘Sir, can you help me?/ it’s cold and I’ve nowhere to sleep/ Is there somewhere you can tell me?’” from Another Day In Paradise, he barked: “No motherfucker, I will NOT help you!”

The speed that the golden circle and general standing areas filled up when Eminem took to the stage was very impressive. Eminem was not very chatty, leaving most the talking to his hypeman, pouring all his energy into the performance. I would have been satisfied just hearing The Way I Am, which was way more intense than the recording could ever be.

The camera was zoomed in close enough to see Eminem’s spit flying when he speed-rapped through Rap God. Thanks to the excellent camerawork, even those in the excessively cheap seats could feel some connection.

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The obvious selfie if you’re a white girl

Just a warning to those going to the Jozi show, the outro after the Lose Yourself encore is excessively long, so don’t get too excited – it’s not another song.

The only really disappointing thing at the show was the people-watching; it was not nearly as funny as I thought it would be. I only spotted one freshly peroxided head (but oh, it was magnificent) and there was a dad with a small child who wore a ‘Stan’ shirt. White boys trying to look gangster was kept to the minimum.

As an I-only-like-his-old-stuff fan, the performance was well worth the R99… I might even put that up to R200.

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So you get Valentine’s Day and I’ll get lunch?

Last week I realised that I don’t actually hate Valentine’s Day, quite controversial I know. These days it’s all about the hate for V-day, whether you’re single or not. My own beloved Plus One got a few likes on Facebook for the following status: “Valentine’s day is for people that do not know how to love every day of the year.”

Just to clarify, I do not like the red roses in tacky cellophane, soppy cards, red and white colour scheme side of Valentine’s day. I love Love. I love the love that I’ve been showered with the past few years, so why can’t I celebrate it slightly more intensely on 14 February?

I started my campaign of bringing Valentine’s Day to a reluctant recipient with breakfast in bed in the form of his favourite pastry from vida e. It was way too early to eat but he did take it to work in Tupperware. unnamed

My picnic idea was scrapped after the scortching trip to buy ingredients, at 30 degrees+, I had to concede that it was just way too hot for a picnic. Plan B: Eat@Altydgedacht in the Durbanville wine route.

With a blocked phone (with love from MTN) I couldn’t make a reservation so I picked up The Plus One from work armed with ice-cream and a cold juice in case my half assed plan went south and we ended up driving from one wine farm to the next trying in search of a table.

We lucked out with our pick of Eat@Altydgedacht’s shady spots. The special for the day was “My favourite things platter for 2” at R115, not necessarily my favourite things but I do love platters/tapas. Why should I make decisions on full portions when I can have everything in smaller bites? The platter might look small in the photo (there was also a few slices of bread not pictured) but it was satisfyingly filling. unnamed2

The Plus One was very taken with the Angelfish pate and my taste buds made the mini chicken quiche in phyllo pastry its valentine.

The atmosphere is friendly and seductive in its tranquil surroundings. It felt like one of our weekend excursions an hour or so out of Cape Town (read more about that here and here), not even the odd truck heard from the main road a few meters away could convince us otherwise. Eat@Altydgedacht has a slow-food philosophy so best take small sips while waiting for your meal.

I can rate the success of my Valentine’s mission with the following statement the Plus One made: “So you get Valentine’s Day and I’ll get lunch?” Somewhere between a subtle heart-shaped wedges dish and a tiny bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, we found our V-day middle ground at Eat@Altydgedacht.

Eat@Altydgedacht
Contact: 021 975 7815
Address: Altydgedacht, Tygerberg Valley Road, Durbanville

Up The Kriek*

We were accustomed to quite a different standard of festival by the time that a friend introduced us to Up the Creek 3 years ago. Accustomed to an environment of rushing between overlapping stages not to miss anything the relaxed paced of UTC, with its stages that run successively, was an absolute treat. Then there’s a the river stage… oh a few hours of floating on the Breede River listening to bands, my skin ages an extra 2 years each time I go but it’s worth it. Up The Creek

We were lucky to basically get the same camping spot as last year with a lovely view of the valley. Of course we felt waaaay less lucky when we had to walk all the way down to get to a bathroom, something we’ll forgot when we camp in the exactly the same spot again next year.

Taxi Violence at Up The Creek Photo: Royal Lens Photography

Taxi Violence at Up The Creek Photo: Royal Lens Photography

But it wasn’t ALL about walking to the toilet and floating like an otter. One of my favourite finds of last year, Al Bairre took on all the lazy bums floating in the river from the river stage and almost won, while Desmond and the Tutus, Shortstraw, Black Cat Bones and Taxi Violence rocked hard on the Saturday night shift.  Up The Creek 2014

Read my full review for Howzit MSN here.

*Let’s just say someone had an almost close encounter with a cricket (kriek) in the bathroom.

Photos by The Plus One with his trusty GoPro and Royal Lens Photography.

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Black Cat Bones at Up The Creek Photo: Royal Lens Photography

Up The Creek 2014

Theatre Review: Adapt or Fly

The set is cheap, similar minimalism but much trickier for reviewers to write long pretentious paragraphs about. The man/most famous woman in South Africa is unapologetic. The shots at politicians, priceless.

In Adapt or Fly Pieter-Dirk Uys tells a story you have heard a million times, because as a South African it is your story. Yes, it’s another freaking one man show about Apartheid (although not exclusively). But this one you really need to see, especially in this election year*.  AdaptOrFly

Politics will always dominate South African headlines, from the ridiculous, tragic and the absolutely infuriating. South African comedians have it easy, all they need to do is weave together a few newspaper headlines to get guaranteed laughs. As a satirist, however, Pieter-Dirk Uys needs to go somewhat deeper than that. The once the laughter of the audience has died down something else also needs to stay behind. An idea maybe? A nugget of truth that was hard to accept? This is what makes Uys so critical to South African theatre.

In Adapt or Fly Uys pokes fun at SA politics, one politician at a time. The first half of the show focusses mostly on the Apartheid Prime Ministers with a special guest opening by a man only slightly more evil than them, Adolf Hitler. The second half focuses on the Mandela years right though to beret wearing Malema.

The initial run earlier this yearnof Adapt of Fly at Theatre on the Bay completely sold out. Really impressive seeing as the show had a run at another theatre in the city last year. Theatre on the Bay squeezed in another 2 week run for the show from 7 – 19 April 2014.

*The general election takes place 7 May 2014